Everybody Screws Up
“Everybody screws up Lane. That’s what happens. It’s what you do with the screw ups, it’s how you handle the experience, that’s what you should judge yourself by.” — Lorelai Gilmore
If you don’t already know, I am a huge Gilmore Girls fan. All time favorite show, by far. I’ve probably seen the whole series through more than 10 times. I own the deluxe box set of the series on DVD. Went to the Luke’s Diner pop up event when the reboot came out in 2017. And I cry every time I watch Rory graduate from high school, graduate from college and when Lorelai is shown just how valued she is in Stars Hollow in the original series finale.
It’s a show that I have grown with and somehow continues to grow with me. As I get older, I have started finding myself relating to Lorelai in certain scenes or episodes where I originally related to Rory. These characters have grown to feel like my friends or family. I know them well and love them dearly. This show has also taught me so much and continues to teach me so much as I repeatedly watch it and find that new things stand out to me.
The quote from Lorelai that starts this post is from an episode in which she is giving some friendly and parental advice to her teenage daughter’s best friend, Lane, after a rather embarrassing teenage moment involving the boy she has a crush on. I’ve likely seen this episode and heard this line many times over. But the last time I watched it, this stuck with me. I heard it and had to pause, go back, then listen to it again, two or three times, before finally writing it down.
While I’m not sure if I could pinpoint exactly what caused me to be so struck by this scene and these words, I can say that they carry a great lesson. Over the past year, I’ve been working hard on “handling experiences.” Paying attention to how I respond and think about things in the world and then learning how to change my thoughts and perspectives so that I can better respond to the world and be proud of how I respond. It seems most of us have moments we can look back on and feel as though we didn’t respond the way we would have liked. Dwelling on those screw ups isn’t all that beneficial though. It’s not as though we can ever get that moment back and change what happened.
What we can do? Choose what we do with that screw up. Choose how we handle the mistake. And also forgive ourselves for making the mistake to begin with. Screwing up, making mistakes, is just apart of the human experience. Judging ourselves for making mistakes is itself a mistake. If only because it hurts us more than anyone else.
Learning to embrace our mistakes, our faults, our screw ups; that is where the real magic lies. For that is where freedom and love reside.
If you can learn to embrace your mistakes. Embrace your innate humanness and, therefore, the inevitability that you will screw up, you can also accept yourself, flaws and all. Accepting yourself is where self-love begins.
Admittedly, this is one of those things that falls into the “easier said than done” category. It takes work. It takes repeatedly choosing to accept yourself every time you mess up. It is, and likely will be, an ongoing process for the remainder of my life. Choosing to accept and forgive myself rather than beat myself up every time I make a mistake, don’t keep my promises or just royally f*ck up is not easy. But it is so much more rewarding than getting down on myself. It allows me to show care for myself and be gentle with myself, in much the same way I would with someone I love; a friend, a partner or a family member.
I hope you take a moment to forgive yourself and figure out how you can be proud of handling your screw ups. Show yourself some grace, love and compassion by embracing your mistakes and knowing that it’s not only okay to be human, but truly beautiful to be imperfect. For that imperfection is what makes you perfectly you.
